It's my favorite time of year! I love The holidays - Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years. My wonderful husband and I are hosting Thanksgiving this year for our families in our new home. I couldn't be more excited to host everyone and enjoy a wonderful meal.
I'm thankful for so many things - Josh, our dog Tully, our family and friends, our beautiful planet, red wine, heels. I could go on! But there's one thing I'm not thankful for: having MS.
Every year I rally my family and friends to raise funds for MS research. There is no cure for this disease. It also happens to be one of those invisible diseases - so while I look great on the outside (thanks in advance for all the compliments ;) ), there are things going on in my body that are making me crazy at any given time.
Last Tuesday, I started experiencing my third major exacerbation, or attack. This attack has been completely different from anything I have experienced with MS so far. Typically I deal with fatigue - not just being tired, but physically hurting because I can't concentrate on a task for more than 30 seconds. I also deal with tingling and numbness. My first attack happened in 2009 when half of my face went numb for about 3 weeks. My second attack happened in 2012, my body went numb from the legs down.
This third attack is completely different. It's pain. Last Tuesday, my right arm started to ache. I brushed it off as sleeping on it poorly and went about my day. When I woke up on Wednesday, it was more painful. I took some ibuprofen. It didn't help. I started researching pain and MS. I wasn't quite convinced it could be related. After waking up on Thursday and the severity of the pain was a 6 out of 10. It was getting worse. By Friday, it was an 8 and accompanied by a burning sensation in my arm. I slept 2 hours Friday night. I spent my time researching pain and MS and what kinds of pain are associated. I've self diagnosed myself with a type of pain called Dysesthesia. I don't know how to pronounce it, but the definition is exactly what I'm experiencing: an abnormal burning or aching sensation. We'll see what my neurologist has to say :)
Pain fucks up your quality of life. I haven't been in a very good mood this weekend. I've smiled, I've laughed, I've finished painting my newest DIY project: a dresser. But I feel like throwing up because I am in so much pain. I also feel like I might spend the rest of the day crying. I bought icyhot yesterday as a temporary solution until I see my Neurologist. I'm also making an appointment with an acupuncturist.
I am not thankful for having this BS disease. I try to stay positive and strong. This attack, I am not strong. I am not positive. I am really, really pissed off. But having MS has made me thoughtful and empathetic to everyone out there in the world. Everyone is fighting a battle you don't know about at any given time.
